InSain-sburys: an overworked pun for an overworked online shopper


We all know that online shopping is a dangerous pursuit. It’s 2am, you’re hunched like a wide-eyed owl in front of the computer, and the ease with which you can fill your virtual trolley somehow suspends your normal reasoning powers. My past fails have included (1) Amassing 7 pairs of offensively ugly Irregular Choice shoes (I just went on their website and was assaulted with fish-themed ‘Pinky Perky’ pumps. These are clodhoppers fit only for the most puerile Harajuku girls) (2) Dropping a nest egg on an Arty YSL Ring in a colour I didn’t want. I panicked because it was the last one left on Net-a-porter, and I thought it would magically transform me into Alexa Chung (3) Ordering enough books to cement my life of hermitude (Bookdepository free shipping!)

My Sainsburys palaver all started when I walked into WHSmith and realised that carting 2 reams of paper back home would be kind of a struggle (I’ve got Spaghetti-O arms and the strength of the Little Matchgirl, ok?). Shopping may be my cardio but it sure as hell isn’t going to be my weight training. Anyway, when I copped out and just bought some pens, I got a ‘£20 off your first online Sainsburys grocery shop (when you spend £60)’ voucher.

I began stroking my figurative goatee. It would be ridiculous for a single student whose weekly grocery expense is oats (£1.50) and milk (£0.89) to try to spend £60 in one go…right? BUT with paper in the mix? Challenge accepted.

Hours (ok, many minutes) of agonising later, I finally plugged in my order.

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Only in the comedown from the heady online shopping twilight zone did I realise my mistakes.

I’ve ordered enough paper to run an industrial copyshop for a few years. Unless I hire removalists, I’ll never be able to move rooms. I forgot the one grocery item I actually needed – coffee. And hair-spritzer? What am I…a show Pomeranian??

My only saving grace is that I didn’t give the Sainsburys elves the option of substituting items if they aren’t in stock. As the Guardian has noted, this can have disastrous consequences (Dairylea instead of lychees. Headache tablets instead of dishwasher tablets. A pack of nappies to replace 12 toilet rolls. And the worst substitution of all – a pack of Twix bars instead of Tampax).

What are your worst online shopping fails?

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