Poetic justice: a coat round-up

On the night that I played the part of world-weary bartender, my beloved Witchery coat was abducted from the MCR coat rack. I couldn’t help but feel that this was karma for my inadvertent vest kleptomania.

And so to the task of looking for a new winter coat. My Mum helpfully suggested that I choose something that no-one would ever steal/mistake for their own. This got me looking at some of the more outrageously colourful options…which led me to Shopbop and Net-a-porter. How can I express my feelings about some of the Designer monstrosities I witnessed? Only through the elegant and ancient Japanese art of haiku.

Gotta catch them all!
How many Pokemon died
For this heinous coat?

(Diane von Furstenberg Fur Finale Coat US$1,920)


Buy this to attract
Magnets, magpies, narcissists,
And to wrap baked ham

(Gareth Pugh Mirrored Coat US$945)


Organza trench coat
Now this will make the job of
Flashers easier

(Milly Organza Trench US$525)


Aunt Flo would be proud
With hood on you’ll resemble
A boucle tampon

(Saint Laurent hooded crocheted wool-blend cape US$5,590)


I’d spend too much time
Running my fingers through this
Ranga chest merkin

(Three Floor Rosso Jacket US$318)


Putting lipstick on
This jacket is like putting
Lipstick on a pig

(House of Holland embroidered quilted satin coat US$900)


To fit haiku form
This jacket material
Must be pronounced lame

(Preen by Thornton Bregazzi lamé and fur Orion Parka US$5,990)


Eleven grand is
A lot to pay to disguise
Your dandruff problem

(Fendi paint-splattered shearling coat US$11,000)

So…which do you think I should get?


2 thoughts on “Poetic justice: a coat round-up

  1. Pingback: What I’m Currently… | Elodie does Oxford

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