Festive Attire

One thing I love about the holidays (besides absolutely everything) is festive attire. In the UK, people take their Christmas jumpers very seriously – every second person is rugged up like an elf, knitted pudding, or Mark Darcy at a Turkey Curry Buffet. Dressing for Christmas parties and New Year’s Eve is so much fun – it’s the one time of year when sequins, velvet and taffeta are not only encouraged, they’re mandatory. You know that show My Super Sweet 16? Where bratty American teens fritter thousands on golf ball-sized jewels and blindingly bedazzled dresses so that they can spend one night prancing around, cutting a cake that’s a life-sized sculpture of themselves, and then be gifted a mini Jeep by their simpering Toaster Strudel-inventing parents? Well, the giant bow which tops off the brat’s car should serve as outfit inspiration for your holiday dressing.

When it comes to bows, Marchesa, Chloe and Valentino can do no wrong. Except, like, price point wise. If you are not an Azerbaijani oil heiress, you could look to the High Street for a watered-down version of these. Or you can do what I do and re-appropriate parts of Sailor Moon costumes from eBay.

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When it comes to spangled garb, French Connection has a Goldilocks array:

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Cosmic sparkle hot pants £65

My baby cousin once ate a stick of glitter glue. 4 hours later, this is what his diaper looked like.

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Cosmic sparkle jumpsuit £180

French Connection describes this as a ‘hologram effect’ sequinned jumpsuit. Recently, Rolling Stones announced that a Liberace hologram is set to tour the world. Methinks the same technology may be at play…

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Winter wave sequinned dress £105 (down from £210!)

Like a bowl of creamy, steaming but not throat-cancer-inducingly hot oatmeal, this dress is juuust right. Our fairy tale flaxen-haired third-degree burglar would no doubt approve.

Speaking of literary and filmic inspiration (and awkward segues), Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory provides a perfect example of festive dressing.

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Velvet jacket, patterned waistcoast and jaunty bowtie? Gene Wilder, you’re as set for a Christmas bash as for disposing of gluttonous children in inventive ways.

CAVEAT: If there’s one character you should definitely NOT dress as from this story, it’s Violet Beauregarde after she snatches and ingests the 3-course-meal-flavoured gum, swells into a blueberry blimp and has to be bounced off to the Juicing Room by the Oompa Loompas.

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Violet Beauregarde dress A$940 (down from A$2998)

Ellery, there’s whimsical literary reference, and then there’s just plain ridiculousness.

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